It's been a log time since I "blogged" at all. I posted a lot(ish) on my livejournal in it's hay-day, but I haven't posted a real post on there in ages. Josh has a vox, so I thought I'd get one too. And I thought that I should be somewhat documenting my life and the life of my future child.
I have a child living and growing inside my tummy. It is so strange and a little overwhelming. I feel like I know nothing about parenting or babies. I haven't even babysat a kid since I was like 17. I really can't remember the last time I even held a baby, and now I'm going to have one of my own. I know that I'll be fine, and that it'll come naturally or something, but sometimes it's hard to believe. At least I have until September; I have a whole hot summer to prepare. I have been given some advice, and a friend at work who has a 1 1/2 year old reccomended a book, Baby Wise. From what she described, it seemed like that kind of parent that I want to be. So I went to Barnes and Noble last night bought it, and a piece of cheesecake (hehe) and read a little in the cafe. I really like it so far, and it claims that your baby will be sleeping through the night in no time. I left the book at home, but I think I'll post some excerpts from there as I learn things, or maybe the summary that they give at the end of the chapter.
Josh and I are also taking some parenting classes at the CPC, the crisis pregnancy center associated with our church. We're not in total crisis mode (yet ;-) ) but I had a free ultra sound there and they thought we'd like the classes. Today is our first one, during my lunch break. We'll see how we like it. We really do have a lot to learn, so I hope the classes will be beneficial to us and our baby.
So, I know not a lot of people really "follow" me here on Vox, but in case you do and you're missing reading my posts, just thought I'd remind you that I've moved over to Blogger.com. Here are a few of the things I've been writing lately...
Today - How it is that I have a wedding dress, a date and a venue, and yet I'm not engaged.
Last Week - Everyone should feel beautiful sometimes.
TMI Thursday - This one time, at choir camp...
Gut Check - When my conscience kicked me in the stomach.
Wow, What Wonderful Weather! - Things I love that start with W.
First Kiss Story - "Put your lips together and blow."
If you don't already use Google Reader to keep track of all the blogs you read/follow, I highly recommend it! It's awesome, because you can read it all right on one page, and you don't have to check various places if it's not all on your Vox neighborhood... *hint, hint* :-)
I still check out my neighborhood regularly! Love you guys.
So I decided to give blogger another chance. I'm still going to use this blog, possibly just for more personal/protected/private posts, or I may even cross-post from my new blog and just kinda see what happens with each one. But if you feel like following me over there, here's my first post which kind of explains why I decided to make the switch. Long story short, I want a place where people can comment who don't necessarily have accounts set up at the same place.
That's all for now -- it's late!!
Can someone tell me
Why I woke up so early
And so easily...
When I didn't get
To bed last night until like,
Half past twelve o'clock?
No, seriously
Cuz every other morning
I CANNOT WAKE UP!
My dang snooze button
Gets hit about fourteen times
And THEN I sit up...
Maybe, maybe not.
But anyway, I digress --
(And are we surprised?)
This Friday morning
I made it to the shower
Before SIX O'CLOCK!
And that, my friends, is
Why I had this extra time
To write some haiku.
In keeping with yesterday's "cool" theme, I want to tell you about two more cool things that happened today. Ready?
Number one. My boss was showing me some new duties I'm going to be taking over temporarily until he finds someone else who can do it -- maintaining one of our labs. Ooooh...fun. Okay, but that's not the cool part. I mean, as excited as I am about tracking down obscure-looking pieces of equipment that are due or soon-to-be-due for calibration..... No, the cool thing that happened is that my boss came across a nifty flashlight that has no batteries. Instead, it's got this magnetic thingamajig inside it that you "charge" by shaking it, so that the magnet activates these copper wire doohickies or something, which then enables the light to turn on. I'm sure there's a more official name for this contraption, and it's probably not that cool to SOME people, like super-high-tech engineery-type people, like Joe. But anyway, my boss came across it and said, "Here! Put it in your car in case you ever find yourself in the dark or in need of a light source." Yay! (Little did he know I would spend the rest of the time we walked through the lab shaking it and trying to stifle my silly giddy-girl giggles. Yes. I am dumb.)
Number two. The other day, when I bought some healthy-type snacks and munchies to stop myself from being a big fat vending machine pig, I got an eight-pack of those little 1.5 oz boxes of Sun-Maid raisins. And I don't know if you ever did this as a kid, but the minute I pulled out a box and finished all the raisins today, I remembered making music with those empty boxes! Did you ever do that? I'd tear off the flaps from the open end, stick that end in my mouth and blow as hard as I could, and then there would be this gloriously obnoxious kazoo-esque screeching that ensued. Entertainment for hours! ...Er, for a six-year-old, of course. No, I in my current 23-year-old state of total maturity and serious adulthood, did NOT practically skip out the door at the end of the work day, throw myself into my car, shut the door and gleefully start blowing into my raisin box kazoo. Nope, not even a little bit. And I also didn't take a video (or three) of myself trying to make different pitches and noises with it. And I'm definitely NOT going to upload them to YouTube later tonight for your viewing pleasure.
Okay...maybe I will. But only if you promise to still be my friend.
That's all for this moment. Stay tuned for (possibly) a spurt of attempted fictional creativity, at some point in the next week or decade, about the mysterious red truck that I drive by every day on my way to work. (The truck's real, but I'm just thinking about making up some brilliant story about why it's always there, in the same spot, every morning...WITH its headlights on. I know, right? It's weird!)
And without further ado...here are ALL THREE ridiculous videos I recorded of myself playing the raisin box kazoo. Don't hate. And also, please disregard my totally disheveled, gross appearance. I was getting ready to go running! And didn't bother to put on makeup this morning for work. And frankly, didn't even wash my hair this morning either. Seriously...don't hate. Love. Love me like I am. (Name that country song!)
Note: these lists are not exhaustive. There are plenty more cool and uncool things that happened today. I just wanted to write about three items in particular. And you'll (hopefully) understand why when I'm finished.
Cool things:
- Driving to work this morning, I realized (for the first time, pathetic as it is) that I can see the OCEAN from parts of the windy road I take down to get onto the freeway. At first I thought there was just a perfect, weird blue haze thing in the air, but then I recognized the actual water and was like, "Seriously? How have I NEVER seen that before?" Maybe the sky is finally starting to de-fog-ify earlier in the morning so it's clearer by the time I get out the door.
- Driving home tonight, I caught a glance at my odometer and realized it was just a few miles from hitting 125,000! Luckily, it turned from 124,999.9 to 125,000.0 RIGHT as I reached a stop sign. No joke. So, since no one else was around or behind me on the road, I stopped for a second longer to bust out my camera phone and document the momentous occasion. And
as soon as it pops up on my facebook mobile uploads, I'll stick it up here, too.HEEEEEERRREE'S the picture, in all its fuzzy, lopsided and totally unprofessional grandeur:
- I have a semi-dreadful headache tonight that is threatening to become a REALLY dreadful one. Bah!
Until later...
So, apparently I was not as addicted to blogging as I thought. Actually, I have been wanting (aching, even) to sit down and write for the last week and a half, but time keeps escaping me. But tonight I decided I really need to get something written down, so that I can make room in my brain for all the new stuff that inevitably piles up as days go by.
To start, let me say, in case you were wondering or worried, that life is good. Really, truly good. I'm beyond blessed, and I keep on being reminded of that in many ways and through many people. So far this year, I feel like I am beginning a journey of renewal: renewed joy, renewed faith, renewed perspective, and renewed trust...among other things. I've decided to seriously pursue an attitude of peace and positivity, and therefore have begun to reinstate my "life verse" if you will, which is Philippians 2:14 -- "Do everything without complaining or arguing." Really, the whole passage surrounding that verse is great. But a few years back, I was convicted by this verse, and I decided to try to live that out daily, and I managed to make a pretty significant change in my spiritual walk, my relationships and just my general outlook on life. I can't really pinpoint a specific moment when I somehow lost that focus and that desire to be a peacemaker and to quit complaining, but over the last several months I have most certainly noticed myself complaining a LOT more, and being thankful a lot less. So, yes. I'm going to strive toward being a non-complainer again. This doesn't mean I'll stop having a preference or an opinion, just that the way I approach things will (Lord willing) morph into something more productive and pleasant. Joy and perspective kind of go with this topic, and there are other ways I hope to seek renewal in those areas, but trust is the one I'm really feeling a strong pull toward enhancing this year. It's not that I don't trust people...in fact, I think my default with most people I interact with in any sort of personal way is to be very trusting of them. It's when I get really close, or really involved or invested, that trust becomes a little bit scarier. I'm thinking particularly about deepening my sense of trust with Joe, and also reestablishing my trust in God as Provider, Protector, and the one who wants to see me prosper. With Joe: again, it's not a matter of feeling like I can't or don't trust him...I just sense that these next months are going to require a LOT of deliberate, conscious TRUSTING of him as we embark on new areas in our lives and our relationship that are going to bring up a lot of tough stuff. And with God, well, that's kind of self-explanatory, in a way. But I guess I should confess that I've really backpedaled in my relationship with him, particularly in the area of trust. It's almost embarrassing to admit, because he has proven himself as such a loving, providing and protective Father, time and time again, and here I am consistently finding myself thinking, "How am I going to pay off all my debt and loans? What if I'll never figure out my true purpose in life? What if... Why can't I... When will I...?" and all sorts of doubting questions like that. So, in these first 12 days of 2009, I have already begun to feel unmistakably drawn back toward God, and I long to know him again, and to trust him with every aspect of my life.
In other news, Joe and I have gone to the first two of twelve pre-marrieds classes (which are more pre-engagement classes for us, since we're not engaged yet), and it's going well. I am already feeling more confident in our relationship and our ability to overcome some specific conflicts and issues, and at the same time, I am anxious (in both the good and less good sense of the word) about the coming weeks. It's a LOT of new ground we're covering, things we haven't yet addressed or thought of, and things we've even possibly avoided a little which are now going to be impossible to avoid talking about. And that is SO good. I want to write so much more about it, but not in this public forum. So, sorry if this tidbit is not enough for you...but it's all you're getting for the time being. :-)
Anyway, it's been awhile since I've sat with my laptop and typed at length, and I'm remembering how painful it is on my wrists. What a granny! So, I'd better wrap it up and get to sleep. Sorry for being MIA for nearly two weeks, Mom! hehe... I'll try to post more often...
So...maybe I'm addicted to blogging. Cuz here it is, 11:30 p.m. on January 1st, and I just can't help but log on here and start typing. I feel like my day wouldn't be complete if I didn't sit down and write a little.
Don't worry...I'm sure it will wear off within a week. :-P Anyway, tomorrow it's back to the real world. Gotta get up butt early and go to work, and ooh boy is that the most exciting thing I could possibly imagine doing on a FRIDAY after having over a WEEK away from reality. Blech. But the good news is, it's Friday! Which means as soon as my clock hits 4:15 tomorrow (assuming I make it to work on time), I'm off for another two days.
In the meantime ("meantime" being, right now, as soon as I hit "post" and before I conk out in the middle of the sty that is my room), I gotta straighten this place up because hopefully Megan is coming up tomorrow! What's with everyone getting sick when they're supposed to come hang out with me?? Boo on that, I say. But anyway, IF she feels better tomorrow, we'll have a great time hanging out this weekend. And if she doesn't, I want her to get better (and not get ME sick...lol), and I can just use the weekend to prepare myself for reality again...which basically means, I can do all my laundry and watch Gilmore Girls and consider hitting the gym on Saturday, seeing as how I haven't been in like three weeks. Oh, except the one day I went to the Curves in the desert. But a lotta good that did me, I'm sure...what with all the feasting and lazy-ing around for a week.
Alas...it's time to get down to business. Or haphazardly throw all the crap on my bed onto the floor, pass out, and come up with some really great excuse to tell Megan about why my room looks like a four-year-old was given free reign to wreak havoc on every drawer and shelf in existence, while simultaneously trying on ALL of my clothes and leaving them strewn about because she couldn't reach the rod in the closet to hang them back up. We'll see what happens.
*Sigh* I wish I could say I'm feeling a little bummed that this month of daily blogging is coming to a close with this final post...
But I'm actually incredibly relieved. It was quite difficult. And yes, I feel successful, and I feel mildly enlightened, and inspired to strive toward this daily habit more long-term. But I gotta admit it wasn't as mind-blowing or epiphanic as I had hoped or expected it would be. 'Twas fun, nevertheless. And yes, epiphanic is totally a word! I was really excited to discover that...but I would've used it even if it wasn't.
So here I am, at the tail end of this month-long journaling journey. And, appropriately, it's also the last day of 2008. It was a great year, overall. And I'm glad I will have a good chunk more documentation of this year (though the majority of it has been toward the end, but I did write more regularly this year than in years past). And I'm really, really glad that I've gotten to spend the second half of this year with Joe, and that we are embarking on the new year together and happy as can be. Yes, I'm smitten. And I'm really looking forward to what 2009 will bring. All the surprises, memories to be made, lessons to learn, trials, time shared with friends and loved ones, successes and failures...all of it. It's going to be a good year. And I have a sneaking suspicion that 2010 will start off EVEN BETTER. *sneaky grin* Oh yeah...life is good.
Anyway, in the more immediate future...I just talked to Ashton, who's home from Texas for a few weeks, and found out she was gonna surprise me tonight and show up with her boyfriend Robert and take Joe and me out to Montana's! But Robert had to go and get all sick, so they're taking it easy in the desert, which I totally understand. Major bummer, though, since I only got to see her for one night during this WHOLE time she's been home! Buuuuut that's life, and we'll make it. That's the true test of best-friend-dom, right? Or something. :-P
In the slightly later immediate future, I get to hang out with Megan this weekend! Yessssss...you don't even know how excited I am. I think we'll go out Friday night, dance a little, laugh a lot, and then Saturday we are going to do what girls do best (when they don't have money to blow on shopping or spa days): totally veg out! Of course, we have to get pedicures at some point that day, but I'm all over the idea of just lounging around my house (which she hasn't seen yet!) and watching chick flicks (which I'm sorely in need of doing, since Joe won't watch them with me...lol), and maybe make some cookies or just eat lots of Ben & Jerry's and talk about girly stuff like boys and dresses and rings and...er...I mean...what? Boys. Just boys. Hehe. So that should be fun. I'll let you know how it goes...if I feel like it, since I'm not gonna be obligated to post every single day anymore! Wooooooot!
Aiight...I'm done. Happy New Year, everyone, and thanks for joining me on this 31-day adventure. Stick around, cuz I'm sure there will be plenty more musings to come, only possibly more sporadic and probably more ridiculous, weird, funny, or just plain silly.
Over the last week or so, I think both Joe and I have come to recognize a sort of trend that occurs when I get together with my family: I get weird. No, seriously...I just turn into a big goofball (when it's a relaxed, fun environment, that is...not so much when it's strained or tense, of course). Spending Christmas Eve with my family, Joe's patience with my silly, totally un-sophisticated side was definitely tested. Fortunately, he's pretty weird too, and I think he might've previously thought that he was a LOT weirder than me...until this last week in seeing me interact with family. I guess this particular week has been a real treat for me, getting a nice chunk of days off of work and being all proper and cool, and just being able to loosen up and use up some energy and weirdness I had apparently been hanging onto for awhile. I mean, nothing extreme really...I was just a bit kookier around my family that day. And then again, tonight, we got to hang out with my cousin Sarah and her husband, and the goof in me came out all over again. Sarah and I have always been that way. We have our ongoing, totally ridiculous anecdotes and inside jokes that don't make much sense or just don't seem that funny to anyone else, but we still crack up at the thought of them. Do you have any friends or family like that? I just love it. I love being around people who make it easy to be "me" around them, whether "me" in that moment is a goofball, a hopeless romantic, a person with a specific passion or hobby, or whatever. I mean, I'm generally pretty comfortable with myself, and have in recent years learned (slowly but surely) that I can be confident in who I am, in most any situation, and not try to alter or change myself into something not quite genuinely "me." But as I'm becoming a part of a new family with much different personalities, tastes, upbringings, etc., I do find myself, on occasion, feeling a little out of place, or unlearned, or simply nervous and a tad uncomfortable in a new and less familiar environment. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely loving spending time with Joe's family, getting to know them, and I do feel very welcomed and at home around them. But there is also something to be said about spending time around my own family, my blood, that is soothing...freeing...invigorating. I am just all-around blessed with great people in my life, both related and maybe-someday-soon-to-be related. :-) I think the greatest discovery I've made recently is that with Joe, I feel very nearly just as comfortable and at ease as I do with my flesh-and-blood family. I can be that weird, goofy girl that my family knows so well, around Joe, and he still loves me. He gets me. It's awesome. And somewhat terrifying. Terrifying, because I know that being completely comfortable with people, to the extent that I am with my family, means I am also capable of being quite insensitive and thoughtless toward them as well. It's a sad confession, but an honest one. I can go from being at my very best to my absolute worst, in a matter of an hour or even a minute when I'm around my loved ones. I guess it's because "home" is the place where you get to unwind, to destress from the busy, hustle-and-bustle, people-pleasing daily life that goes on outside, and it's also where you're able to (if you're lucky) be 100% yourself -- for better or for worse -- because you know you will always be loved and accepted by these people. So, I have never really feared losing my family's love if I should ever be in a snappy mood some day, or make a rude comment in passing, or anything like that. They know me, and they understand my many moods...but it's all too easy to take that unconditional love for granted and just get downright mean sometimes. I can't tell you how awful I still feel when I think back on times when I told my mom that I hated her, or yelled at my little sister or brother just because I was upset about something that had nothing to do with them at all. Anyway, all this to say, I worry from time to time that my being so comfortable with Joe will lead to one of these insensitive comments, or displaced anger, or just a foul mood turning into an unnecessary fight. So yes...a little terrifying. But hey, how great is God's timing? We're about to start a class all about learning to deal with this kind of stuff together, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm scared as heck, just because of my semi-former (meaning, I'm still working on it) tendency to run at the first sign of significant conflict or the first roadblock that seems, at first glance, insurmountable. And I honestly don't doubt that we will encounter at least one issue like this during these classes, because I think that's kind of the whole point. They want to open up discussion about things that we might never have thought about without the guidance of older married couples who have been through it all, and they want to help us address it now, so that we can potentially start a marriage together with a much stronger foundation and a better understanding of each other. Yay! And also...eek! If you feel like it, pray for us these next 12 weeks! (Thanks!) It's going to be interesting. And wonderful. And painful, stressful, emotional, exciting, exhausting...you get the idea. It'll be intense.
Ahhhhh...that felt good. And there you have it. A REAL stinkin' update of sorts. And it's 30 down, ONE TO GO for this December post-a-day challenge. I knew I could do it. (Not really...I actually honestly thought I'd fail within the first two weeks. So, go me!)
